Kaila seemed disinterested. Looking off into the distance. But when I asked who was a couple, she zoomed in on me.

“We all are.” And that’s when the questions flooded my brain.

I have a rule: no matter how nervous I get in my own skin, I ask. I may not be able to maintain eye contact. I’ll look down. Look to my right. But I ask.

“If you wanted to sleep with that guy over there on the bench, you could?”

“Yes, but I won’t,” Kaila said. Timmy jumped in. “Our relationship is based on communication and trust.”

Timmy and Kaila have been married for 11 years. But long before Timmy, Kaila dated Marcus. Her mom didn’t like Marcus, so the relationship ended. Kaila eventually met and married Timmy. And five years ago, Marcus came back into her life. Now Marcus is her boyfriend.

The three of them live together in Ohio and are raising Kaila and Timmy’s two boys together. To the boys, Marcus is Uncle Marcus. Not Dad. That is a hard rule.

They’ve tried adding other people to their relationship. Kaila said other women wanted too much control. They wanted to step into the role of “Mommy,” and Kaila wasn’t having that. Other men have come and gone, too. “They don’t know how to share,” she said.

So how does the sex work?

This is their version of polyamory. Kaila was quick to explain that polyamorous relationships don’t all look like theirs.

I looked at Marcus and Timmy. “Do you two sleep together?”

“No.”

Marcus’s gaze was intense. So intense that I found myself breaking eye contact and reverting back to Kaila. Her gaze was softer.

“Do all three of you sleep together?”

“No.”

Kaila explained that Timmy works nights and Marcus works days. Their opposite schedules mean she’s almost always with one of them. Never alone. She doesn’t want her own space.

“I need a lot of attention,” she told me. Love. Guidance. Support.

And then I started to understand a little more about why. Kaila told me she was severely beaten by her 600 lb., 6 ft. father as a child. Now, she’s constantly battling her reactions and childhood flashbacks.

One of the things she loves about Timmy is how well he can read her. He knows when she’s beginning to spiral, and he knows what she needs. Timmy said he’ll take her somewhere quiet, wrap her tightly in his arms, and stroke her hair until she calms down.

Kaila also loves that he will stick up for her no matter what, even if she is a little bit wrong. He is ALWAYS in her corner.

Then I photographed her kissing each man. Something about the way Marcus kissed her seemed different to me. Gentler. Sweeter. And, of course, that created another question.

“Do you love one more than the other?”

“No.”

Kaila compared it to having children. If you have five kids, she explained, you don’t have to choose which one gets your love. You love them all.

I went into this conversation knowing almost nothing about polyamory. I still don’t understand it all.

But that’s one of the reasons I stop people. I want to understand lives that look different from mine. Even when the questions get awkward.

If you’ve made it this far and want more, join the PVB subscription. Later today, I will be adding more about their relationship and a behind-the-scenes video.

#lovestory #perspective #sonyalpha #virginiabeach